Hi ENZ,
Welcome to the community! I’m really glad you’ve found TMU helpful so far. It sounds like you’ve been on quite a journey with mattress shopping, and I can understand why you’d be feeling frustrated.
Why the Pain?
Mattress Testing vs. Home Use: Testing mattresses in-store can be misleading because you’re not in your typical sleeping environment and might be using the mattress for only a few minutes. It can be hard to gauge long-term comfort and support in such a short period. Additionally, the in-store mattresses might be slightly different from what you receive at home.
Case in point. I am extremely familiar with Shifman Mattresses as I live here in NJ too. The Shifman you try in a Macys or Bloomingdales are not the same versions that you would try in an Independent store like Brielle Furniture in Monmouth County.
Here is one example (Shifman at Bloomingdales) Look at product details paragraph 3
SUPPORT DETAILS:
A layer of high-profile coils backed by a foam encased edge deliver support across and at the edge of the mattress, providing consistent comfort from edge to edge of the mattress.
Not one mattress I could find on the Shifman website or at the Las Vegas Market trade show last month uses foam encased edge support. The all use edge to edge coil support layers. This is a video on edge support and the various options that companies use. Kluft uses this style of edge support as well, both for Bloomingdales and a variety of their corporate independent mattresses. This perimeter foam edge support design is a Bloomingdales, Macy’s and Neiman Marcus requirement.
I want to emphasize this for a few reasons. First, it demonstrates that mattresses designed for department stores, even high-end ones, are often customized to meet specific requirements. While this doesn’t imply that the manufacturer uses subpar components, it does reveal that the construction may be altered to achieve a certain showroom appearance and align with a particular price and profit margin.
Additionally, and please don’t take this the wrong way, Shifman is one of the finest mattress brands available. However, it would be shocking to hear that none of their mattresses from their corporate website would not meet your preferences. While there are several options in the same price range, including some higher and lower-priced models, they are all of high quality, with only minor differences in performance. Brands like ViSpring, Royalpedic, Savoir, Hästens, and Chatham and Wells, along with independent manufacturers such as @ShovlinMattress, Orange Mattress, and Charles Beckley, also offer excellent products.I would be additionally surprised if any of these options would not have something that would meet your specific needs for personal preference, posture, alignment, and pressure relief (PPP).
(Now that I have made the above comment, I will add this. “The best mattress in the world is only the best if it works for you”) If you are not comfortable, cost, materials, notoriety, all mean nothing.
@TheCleanBedroom carries a few of these higher end luxury brands, and a short trip into NY may be worth the addition ride, along with @ShovlinMattress and Orange Mattress.
Sometimes, new mattresses do require a bit of time to break in, and your body needs time to adjust. However, experiencing severe pain is a sign that something might be off. Even a month on a mattress may not be a suitable amount of time. So whatever mattress you try, you need to consider giving it a bit more time, provided you have the option to bail out within whatever the trial period is being offered.
Given your mild lordosis and that of your wife, it’s possible that some of the mattresses you’ve tried are not providing the proper support or alignment for your specific body types and sleeping positions.
Since you live in NJ, visiting a store like Shovlin or Orange Mattresses is a good step. Both are known for their range and expertise. It might be beneficial to have a detailed consultation with their staff to discuss your specific needs and issues.
Besides Shovlin and Orange, consider visiting any other high-end or specialty mattress stores although you may have to venture into NY to a few of the stores mentioned.
An adjustable base might help you find a more comfortable position and alleviate some of the pressure points. This might be especially useful if you’re experiencing discomfort with certain types of mattresses. Not all mattresses can be used in conjunction with an adjustable base, so bet sure to consult your mattress professional when looking at those options.
If you’re still having trouble, you might want to look into custom mattresses. Some companies, such as Shovlin, Orange and Beckley, specialize in creating mattresses tailored to individual needs and preferences.
As a temporary solution, consider trying a high-quality mattress topper. A good topper might help bridge the gap between your current mattress and new ones you’re trying, and potentially alleviate some of the discomfort.
Make sure any mattress you buy has a generous sleep trial period. This way, you can return it if it doesn’t work out without too much hassle.
One more bit of advice. While most of the manufacturers and retailers mentioned are considered high end or luxury producers, you may find your mattress home in something like a @DLX Premier Hybrid or LatexLux or and Engineered Sleep offering.
It is certainly true those “higher end” nameplates, do use materials like horsehair, cashmere, organic wool, cotton and other old school quality materials, fibers and natural foams, which are known for durability, longevity and comfort, the answer does not always reside there.
Don’t lose hope! Finding the right mattress can be a bit of a quest, but with patience and the right approach, you’re likely to find something that works for you.
Sorry for the lengthy response, but I’m confident you’ll find a solution.
Remember, the mattress alone doesn’t create a comfortable bedding system. An adjustable base can enhance comfort significantly, and don’t overlook the importance of your pillow. As your mattress firmness, sleeping position, and preferences evolve, your pillow choice might need to change as well. Lastly, bed linens can also impact your sleep quality. I recently tried DreamFit sheets, 100% Egyptian Cotton, that I came across at the Vegas Trade Show last month, and I must say, they’ve made a noticeable difference. These sheets fit perfectly and snugly, keeping my 3" organic wool topper in place and making my mattress feel firmer than with other sheet sets. This improvement was evident right from the first night and was something my wife and I commented to each other the first morning.
All the best and good luck finding your perfect match.
Maverick